Heart Shaped Box

'I know what you're thinking. Is this an ad for eczema or what?'
 

Yesterday I had my first dressmaking class with the cutest selection of old biddys. Being the pationceless, impulsive, frivolous fairy I am, I expected to come home after the first lesson with my dress finished but all I did was zone out whilst she told us everything we needed to know and practice straight lines...which if my ability to do so was a representation of my sexual orientation, I'd have to make some major lifestyle changes.

Buuuut, by the end of the lesson I learnt that you didn't have to put the pedal down all the way and go at a gazillion miles per hour and you had to actually hold on to your material during the process. Thus, unable to face ending the day without producing something I could wear, I went home and straight away churned out not just something wearable, but something I've wanted for fashion YEARS.

A Clueless Barbie Top! ;)

My first attempt at sewing clothes and it actually turned out suffieciently aesthetically pleasing.

 

Here's the top in Clueless:

 

Here's the top on my Barbie which I forever wanted a human sized version of:

 

And here's my baby.

 

What I like about it is the juxtoposition between the almost childlike, sickeningly girly ness of a heart t-shirt and my style history as a goth/punk. Wearing with irony is everything when I sport Clueless style and girly clothes, but in the words of White Goodmand from Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story 'half of what you say when you are joking is true'. Thus, the irony I sport walks hand in hand with the blatant truth that blares from my chest.

 I've got an awfully big heart.

 

(clueless, diy, dressmaking, barbie, barbie clothes, fashion, 90s fashion, nikki minaj)

Sex Up Your Stationary Set

Did you ever want a pen so pretty that when it slips from your fingers in the middle of class the new guy will pick it up with a smile and a compliment about your shoes? Well I did, and thus Clueless Obsession continues...

Ever since discovering a simply DIVINE fabric shop near my house I have set it my life's goal to pimp every single household item I own into a tacky, furry, glittery, girly, camp, bejazzled pile of pretty. Being that I've yet to begin my Dress making Class, I decided to coolify items within my range of skills, and everybody knows your school stationary deciphers your social status in the classroom, forget looks and personality - a sexy pink pencil sharpener is key to eturnal popularity!
So, Voici my own spin on the feathered pen. Since I spend a lot of time at school not listening and looking for ways to not perish in the lukewarm flames of boredom, I added fur to the pen to add texture and something to rub my face up against in class. I can't stop. seriously. I just walk around rubbing a pen against my face and in between my fingers, it feels so sensual. So yeah, it turned out looking like a furry dildo for drag queens (Thats right, bitches, I am now manufacturing my own line of sex toys), but its imperfections, just like Cher, are what makes it all the more adorable. So if you like them, leave a comment and I'll make one in any colour your heart desires. Just remember to treat it like your friend and comb its fur and treat it like the flamboyant, homosexual it is.

Style Icon: Romy and Michele

'I just get really happy when they let her shop'

Crying at Pretty Woman whilst sewing the feather trim onto the seams of their hologram platex dresses, Romy and Michele are the bonafide BFFLs with bitchin' Dress sense that defined a generation of Kooky, Clueless, candy coloured cuties that didn't know what they were doing with their lives but didn't need to because they're lives were so pretty darn exciting.

"I can't believe how cute I look.'' Says Michele standing in front of a mirror,"Don't you love how we can say that to each other and we know we're not being conceited?'' "No, we're just being honest.''

Losers and loners in high school, when they are invited to their ten year reunion they decide in order to impress their ex-classmates, they need to dress up and pretend to be 'Successful Businesswomen'. What business? Why, they invented Post-its of course. In the end they realise that they don't need to pretend to be something else or impress their classmates as their lives ARE pretty darn exciting. They transform back into their home made platex and platform wearing selves and impress everyone

with their babelicious style and bitchin dance moves.

 

Watching this for the first time in 10 years I realise now that Romy and Michele have the dream life. They work to play. Who doesn't want to fanny around  with their best friend making hot clothes to go clubbing in, complimenting each others cuteness and crying to pretty woman all to open their own Fashion Store in the end?
 

 

 

 

Lady Gaga Rapunzel Pony + Hoop Earrings + Choker = <3

 

This is the only time you will ever hear me describe clothes as 'cute', but they are so hot I want to cry and get in my time machine and travel back to the age of Clueless, Spice Girls and 90s Versace.

 

How to Dress like a Platformed, Platex, Pvc Princess:

 

American Apparel

 

 Meat Clothing

NastyGal, American Apparel,

 

 Zara, Ebay, Etsy, Nasty Gal

 

 

Here is one of my favourite collections of all time. I challenge you to not orgasm.

 

 

 

 

As much as we miss Gianni, God must have needed his fashion more.