AQUA Eructo

Ever since I lost my Parentless Shopping Virginity, Aqua has been filed among the intangible shops in town reserved for the possessors of height, boobs and large of pocket, none of which apply to me. And the few times I have adopted a false air of stature and wealth and entered the premises, I have sensed even the trousers, with their smirking waistbands and condescending cuffs, to laugh down at my pitiful hope.
But this season, the clothes are so beautiful I don't care if they drown me, I'm taking them home with me.
Cutting their trademark bold silhouettes into angular slits and slants, they delivered a neon rainbow of 70s flare and intergalactic futerism.

I never believed in soulmates until I laid eyes on the Boat Halterneck Jumpsuit and I knew all the meandering twists and crossroads in our paths before now had been leading us to this moment. To Fulfil our destiny. To Become one.
The sharp, strict cuts of the silhouette contrast the youthful, carefree tangerine, revealing the perfect amount of skin to qualify as both smart and sexy. If I was of wealthier circumstance, I would purchase both, pairing the orange with one of these gorgeous Jelly Skinny belts, matching nail vanish and a pair of my new Jelly heels for Summer in the city, and the black with Big, Gold statement jewellery and these sick Alt-J style Earrings for nights out.
I wonder how much Jelly I can fit into one outfit...A glittery, translucent jelly bag would look amazing, paired with a floppy, Jelly sunhat and jelly bangles. Screw it, make me a whole Jelly wardrobe of jelly dresses and underwear! A jelly bikini would be sexiest thing ever, there is a HUGE jelly shaped gap in the market.

 With braless mesh bodysuits, assymetric Maxis, oversized pvc peplums and side slit dresses fit for Jessica Rabbit herself, I foresee a beautifull dressed, bankrupt 17 year old tripping nonchalently over her hems this summer.



Enter for Beautiful Beautiful Dreams

http://thatkuntgettineaten.tumblr.com/

 

The Return of the Jeli

For all you 90s babies, following the latest revival of a string of latter 20th century fashions, Jelly shoes are the latest to suffer a fashion relapse and are back more camp, colourful and clittery than ever (one must always risk sounding dirty for the sake of alliterations).

 

My earliest memory of the Jelly Shoe took place on a summer beach, at an age when shoe sizes were above 10 and public nudity was socially acceptable. I recall thinking them to be Professional Waterproof Beach shoes and parading around in them and little else (my first flirtations with minimalism paired with bold accessories) and now, 13 years later, nothing has changed!

 

Favoured by Mothers for their sturdiness, versatility, waterproof features, strong buckles and by children for their colours, comfort and glittery cool ( in more ways than one ;) ), their combination of the two make for the perfect inbetweener. My weakness for children's clothes in adult sizes (especially shoes) hit my wallet hard when I succumbed to my demons and bought 3 pairs in a week, I must remind myself to thank them ;)

For the ideal Jelly I recommend JuJu who have been on it since 1986 and use a unique jelly to make their shoes and recycle waste jellies. This is one jelly that won't need vodka to get you to take in a shot!

 

 

 

 

 

Stockists include Urban Outfitters, Topshop and Mr Shoes Online.

THE JELLY TIMELINE
A Lifetime Partnership

 

Gentleman Prefer Blondes

Upon scrolling idly down my tumblr page, a daily ritual to stimulate my hunger for aesthetic pleasure, I noticed something rather unsettling. I have a thing for blondes. BLONDE GIRLS. This surprised me for several reasons: 1) I love my dark hair 2) I’ve been dying it black since I was 14 and 3) I have always neglected the ‘Gentleman prefer Blondes’ theory and favoured the look of the vampish and the exotic, the dark beauty, the black widow. 

And then it struck me why this was so. I love blondes because they represent everything I am not and everything I can never be. My foreign skin and dark features mean that transitioning to blonde will not only cost me the youth and vitality of my mane, but make me look like an poorly presented drag queen. And so the blonde locks of the eastern Europeans that plague the pages of every magazine and blog are forever a reminder of what I can not have: the unattainable, the unrequited love, the Daisy to my Gatsby.

I will never bear the radiant halo of purity and light, the enchanting petals of golden princesses, the tye dyed tail of my little pony. I will never be able to dye my hair pastel pinks or sun kissed gold. And I realise that whilst all of the women I am attracted to: Lara Stone, Sash Pivovarova, Charlotte Free, January Jones, Brigitte Bardot, Daphne Groeneveld, Marilyn...every Brunette I admire and post, the dita von teeses and the Maria Carla Bosconos, the Penelope Cruzs and the Jane Birkins, the Brooke Shields…I post less and notice less because I see their beauty in a very different way. I see them as myself. The moonless midnight, the dark horse, the serious stranger with the curtain of black secrets, the  woman of Mystery.

And for all the blondes I love and worship, I would never give up my dark hair to be one. Because my darkness is very much part of who I am. The Black Swan.  

 

And trust me, Blondes definitely do NOT have more fun.

 

 

 

JW Anderson For Topshop Round 2

When JW Anderson first released pictures of his S/S 13 collection for Topshop I felt as if my mental fantasy fashion wardrobe had been raided. With the ingrediants of a stylised Wednesday Addams and Prep school uniform, Anderson has created the perfect cocktail of lolita school girl and underground kink. I personally love the dominatrix Paddington bear look with the black pvc trench and the knee length pleated school skirt adds the perfect deception of faux 'good girl' to an otherwise kinky classic. The classic and traditional looks are combined with the perfect edge of futiristic sleekness ad minimalism. With many shoes being subject to the recent renaissance of the 90s platform, it was only a matter of time before the classic Loafer was put on the pedestal. Having been 5'2 since the age of 14, I can not see any downside to the shoes allow me to deceive myself into claiming I'm not wearing any heels.

"This collection was more about youth cultural groups," said Anderson. "The girl has evolved. It's about carrying over the idea of iconic pieces that can be worn over and over and re-working staple looks from the JW Anderson wardrobe."

Shop the Collection Here

Don't question why she needs to be so free

Shell tell you it’s the only way to be

She just can’t be chained

To a life where nothings gained
And nothings lost

At such a cost
No one knows
She comes and goes

 

I believe in the person I want to become.
I believe in the freedom of the open road.
I believe in the kindness of strangers.

And when I’m at war with myself I ride, I just ride.